Q & A – What if You Don’t Get an Invite to Your Friend’s Dinner Party?

Q.  My friend did not invite me to a dinner party and invited some other friends. I was hurt and angry and I told her that I was not happy and she gave an explanation I did not buy. Did I handle this right?

A.  Your friend is free to invite or not invite whomever she wants. Even if it hurts to be excluded from this particular invite, you cannot dictate to your friend who to invite. Making your friend feel bad for not inviting you is not etiquette. Your friend had her reasons and you should accept them or try to see it from your friend’s point of view. It is perfectly normal to feel hurt if we feel that we were wronged or left out, but by saying something, we are also hurting someone or embarrassing them. If you are close to this friend and you really want to say something, do not say, “how come I was not invited to your dinner party”, but say something like, “I heard you had a dinner party last night, how did it go or who was there”, and she might give you the explanation you need.

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Q.  My friend called me a loser because I did not want to join her in an outing. I know it was not meant to be mean but should I have said something?

A.  As a rule, if someone is rude to you do not reply with rudeness. Not responding or silence is also an answer and at times better than words. The fact that you did not answer or create a scene is very good. Further, if you want to say something you can always say, “thank you, I appreciate the compliment”, with a smile. Your friend will get the message and hopefully think twice before talking next time.

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Q. Should a parent hit or reprimand a teenage child in public, if it is to get the child out of a dangerous situation i.e. from a demonstration/riot?

The general rule of etiquette calls for teaching kids the proper ways. Using violence and embarrassing a child is not recommended, and is not proper etiquette. If you want your child to learn a certain lesson, set an example for him to follow. If you don’t want kids to be violent you should abstain from using violence as a means to get the desired result. (If the situation is life threatening and nothing has worked, such as talking or reasoning, you might want to ask for assistance, or do what you think is right for you. We are not judging anyone, just trying to provide an answer from a good manners and etiquette standpoint)

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Q. I am hosting a BBQ Party for 18 friends; some have food restrictions. Should I plan a menu for different groups, what should I do?

The general rule for Good BBQ Manners is, the host decides what’s on the menu and guests should enjoy what the host is serving. It is however, very nice and considerate of the host to try and accommodate guests that have food restrictions. If accommodating is not complicated and does not change the whole theme of your party, it is very nice to do so. Everyone knows that traditionally a BBQ centers around hamburgers and hotdogs; then again, having some vegetarian dishes is a nice touch and can easily resolve the food restrictions issue (except for food allergies). Alternatively, for example, a vegetarian invitee can let the host know that they will be bringing a vegetarian dish (lasagne). This way the guest and host are both at ease. But remember, it is not good etiquette to ask a guest to bring anything; it must come from them (excluding potluck dinners).

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