Wedding Etiquette 101
Wedding Etiquette is a must for everyone, guests and wedding party alike. A Wedding is such a monumental moment in anyone’s life. After months of preparations and work we want this day to be perfect. It is one of the most important days of our lives, we all want this day to be special for the bride and groom and their respective families. The wedding etiquette guidelines, rules and protocol are meant to help everyone know what to expect and what to do (or not do) to make such a big event successful and stress free.
Knowing wedding etiquette will make it simple to host an orderly and elegant ceremony and wedding reception. Follow these simple wedding etiquette rules and enjoy the big event;
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“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” Dr. Seuss
Engagement Announcement
As soon as you get engaged it is proper for your parents to make the announcements to relatives and friends. Announcements are made in person or formally with announcement cards.
Engagement Party Etiquette
If you are planning on having an engagement party, you will have to decide who is hosting the party. The party can be hosted by the bride’s parents, fiancé’s parents, friends or parent’s friends. The party can be held at the home or in a hall. The people hosting the party will have their name on the first line of the invitation cards. An engagement party invitation card will start by saying that so and so are hosting a party in honor of so and so, followed with the venue and address, date and time. Engagement party can be held up to a year before the wedding.
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Save the Date
If you know the date for your wedding long in advance, it is acceptable to send a save the date card months before the wedding invitations are being sent out. The card is very simple and to the point stating that “so and so “are getting married and save the date, the last line should mention wedding invitation to follow. The card does not have to mention any other information regarding location, time, and dress code. The cards can be sent up to 4 months in advance. If you are having a destination wedding you might want to give your guests even more notice. If you have a wedding website you can include your site’s address on the save the date card.
“You don’t love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults.” William Faulkner
Wedding invitation
Wedding invitations are meant to inform your guests of the place, date and time of your big day.
Invitations vary in styles from formal to casual and everything in between. Your invitation should be something that is meaningful to you and represent the message you want to transmit. A very formal invitation can imply a formal affair, religious wedding ceremony and grand reception, black tie, valet and elaborate cocktails. The invitation sets the tone for your event.
Wedding Details
The information you must include in the wedding invitations are to be written in full, the guests’ names (written on the outer envelope), the location and date. Married couples are addressed as Mr. and Mrs. followed by the husbands first and last name. It is perfectly acceptable to write both names in full. For couples with different last names you write their names in alphabetical order on the same line. For unmarried couples you follow alphabetical order but on different line. Professional titles are written first, if the wife or husband is a doctor you will write Dr. and Mr. or Dr. and Mrs. and if both are doctors you will write, Drs. Jennifer and john Smith. For a single woman you write Ms. Jennifer Jones.
The date and address of the event, the street name, house number, city, state, are also written in full with no abbreviation.
Your wedding invitation can mention the dress code but should not mention any gift registry list.
Your wedding invitation should not specify that kids are not invited, the names (or omission of names) on the invitation envelop will clearly transmit that message. You can write on the envelop Mr. and Mrs. with no mention of children. If children are invited you should write Mr. and Mrs. and Children, or Mr. and Mrs. and Children’s name. Invitations can be sent up to one month to two month in advance. If you are on a tight budget, having a small wedding, a home or garden wedding you can make your own wedding invitations.
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Rehearsal dinner
As a general rule rehearsal dinners were hosted and paid for by the groom’s parents, to thank and alleviate the bride’s mother from another obligation a day before the wedding. The dinner was held only for the wedding party after the rehearsal, today it is common for the couple to host their own rehearsal dinner and to include out of town guests, spouses, very close friends and relatives.
The invitation cards for the rehearsal dinner can be formal (but it is not a must). Invitations are sent by the groom’s parents, Mr. and Mrs. are hosting the rehearsal dinner…. They should be sent about ten days before the wedding and should include an RSVP.
During the dinner the wedding party and guests get a chance to meet (often for the first time) and mingle. During the rehearsal dinner the couple takes the opportunity to make a toast and thank everyone involved in their wedding planning. It is appropriate to offer the bridal party gifts at the rehearsal dinner.
Seating Plan
Most weddings have assigned seating for each guest. Guests upon arrival will find a place card with their name and table number. Planning the seating arrangement is essential to avoid disorder and maintain cohesion during the wedding dinner and reception. Round tables are used more often, they are friendlier and more informal, they allow for couples to sit next to each other. Long rectangular tables are more formal and couples are expected to seat opposite each other. When planning the seating arrangement, age and gender should be kept in mind. Place an equal number of men and women per table. Put people of the same age group in a table as well as people that know and like each other. Close family and friends are seated closest to the top table. Table of 8 to 10 guests are best suited for socializing. Try to place single people together and couples together.
Wedding Speeches
The proper order:
Father of the bride
The Groom
The Bride (only if she wishes to speak)
The best man
Speeches should not be too long, enough to transmit the message without loosing the croud
Wedding Gifts Etiquette
It is not etiquette to specify any kind of gift preference. It is not etiquette to specify cash preference over gift. Bridal registry is common practice but not necessarily etiquette. People are not meant to pay for your wedding or even cover the meal at the wedding. Guests should bring a gift according to their budget not yours (in practice it is not the case).
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Wedding Etiquette for Guests;
Once you get the save the date card you should mark it in your calendar, if you already know you won’t be able to attend do let the couple know
RSVP as soon as possible when you get the wedding invitation (the couple might be able to invite other people)
Only include a guest if the invitation specified you can bring a guest
If you are planning to bring a gift you can send it before or after the wedding but not to the wedding itself
If wedding invitation says black tie, dress accordingly, for a religious service try to follow decorum
Do not wear white or a cream color dress except if you are the bride, as a guest you do not want to hurt the bride’s feeling or take away from her big day
If the wedding ceremony is held in a religious setting make sure to arrive in time and not disturb the service
If you arrive late make sure not to enter at the same time as the wedding party is walking down the aisle, wait for an appropriate time to enter quietly
Do not go to the bride’s suite or room before the ceremony, you can wait for the appropriate time to give you congratulations
Make sure to turn cell phone off
Do not talk during wedding ceremony
Do not take picture and use flash during the walk down the aisle (it might disturb the party or the photographer and video camera man)
Wait until the end of service to get up (for any reason unless a screaming child)
Wait for wedding party to walk out of the service before you follow out
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Wedding Reception Etiquette
When you arrive find your place card and table number
Find your seat and introduce yourself to people you do not already know
Greet everyone and talk to everyone at your table
Be friendly and smile
No cell phone or anything on the table
No talking on the phone
Do not over drink and no getting drunk
No impromptu speeches or toasts
Follow proper table etiquette for dinner (napkin on your lap, use the right bread plate the one on the top left of your dinner plate, the right wine glasses top right above knifes….)
Sit up straight no elbows on the table
Behave appropriately, if it is time for dancing go ahead, but do not forget you are not alone on the dance floor
When the sweet table is open, do not run or push, wait patiently your turn to serve yourself, and always serve yourself moderately with no waste, no need to take more than you can eat
“Where there is love there is life.”
Mahatma Gandhi
Wedding Thank You cards Etiquette
Thank you cards should be sent as soon as possible, a couple of weeks after the wedding. If you forget and a few months went by it is always better to send your thank you card a little late than not at all. It is nice to receive hand written thank you cards, however, you can use printed thank you cards with your handwritten names and signature.